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help_im_a_rock in candycanedreams

Challenge #6 - Need To Know

Author: Help-I’m-A-Rock
Title: Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog
Words: 1,315
Summary: House has an idea to get Cameron to admit something. My first attempt at a Humour/Parody. Set around the S3 FWB era.
Ship: Chameron (gives away the plot dunnit?)
Challenge Number/Title: Challenge #6 - Joy to the World by Three Dog Night - Medical text book - Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Episode Title: Need To Know
Rating: K+
Warning: (ex: Spoilers, death, etc.) One naughty word and teensy spoilers for later S3.
Author's Note: The 300 wasted sheets of paper weren’t wasted in real life. Only in the fic, so don’t blame House. He’s just not an environmentalist.

This is dedicated to all of you who know the annoyances of the song ‘Joy To The World’ by Three Dog Night.


 

House pressed play on his iPod. This was sure to drive her insane.

Out it blared.

Jeremiah was a bullfrog
Was a good friend of mine

I never understood a single word he said

“House!” Called Cameron. “What on Earth are you…?”

“Listening to old classics…” He said, lying back on his couch.
But I helped him a-drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine
Singin'...

“Classics?” Cameron shouted over the loud music. “CLASSICS? I hate this song!”

“I know.” House smiled. She shook her head in disgust and left the room.

One thing House had planned, Cameron walking away from the music.

He promptly took his iPod from the holder and walked out of his office and into the Diagnostics room.

 

He rummaged through the luggage on the table, trying to find Cameron’s bag. He opened it to find a copy of ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy’. He smiled to himself as he removed the cover and walked to the photocopying room.

House quickly scrawled out the lyrics to ‘Joy To The World’ and made 300 A5 double-sided copies. He slid them into the cover of ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy’ and returned it to Cameron’s bag, hiding the original copy.

 

After lunch, a piecing scream came from the Diagnostics Room.

Cameron had returned to find her beloved book, taken hostage and replaced by the lyrics of her most hated song of all time.

“House!” She bellowed. “What on Earth are you doing to me? And why, whatsmore…” He just smiled. She could have a rest for now.

 

When Foreman and Chase entered the office half and hour later, House got back to the details of the case. Writing them up on the board, Cameron noted that they needed more information.

“Here.” House said passing her a medical textbook. She eyed him off. It was unusual for him to so helpful as to actually pass her something. She went through the index to ‘cachexia’, the initial symptom. Pg 237 it read.

She opened to discover…

Joy to the world
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me

Her face went red and she ran out of the office.

Chase and Foreman exchanged glances. House simply smiled. He was so close…

One last thing to do…

“Cuddy!” He yelled entering her office. “I have a great idea.”

“Mmm…” She said uninterested. “Don’t really want to hear it. Your ‘ideas’ result in often unwanted situations.”

“Oh, but this would help the hospital community.” House said sweetly.

“Somehow, I doubt that…” She said, shuffling the papers on her desk. “Go on…”

“A hospital sing-along. We use the loudspeakers to blare out the backing and everyone sings along.” House said.

“Somehow I also think there’s an ulterior motive…” Cuddy said.

“What’s there a motive behind a simple sing-along?” House asked.

“Fine.” Cuddy said, passing him the microphone on her desk that controlled the hospital’s PA system. “But music ONLY!”

“What about an introduction?” House asked, pouting. Cuddy rolled her eyes and pressed record.

“Hi there kiddies and sick people. This is Dr. House here broadcasting a special edition song request from one doctor to another. Feel free to sing along. The chorus is simple and repetitive for the kiddies. Adults, you should know the verse…” House plugged his iPod into the speaker.

Jeremiah was a bullfrog
Was a good friend of mine
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him a-drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine
Singin'...

House imagined Cameron’s face twitching and how red she must be. He began to feel bad, but only for a second. He needed to know. He counted back from 100.

 

Joy to the world
All the boys and girls now
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me

82, 81, 80, 79, 78…


If I were the king of the world
Tell you what I'd do
I'd throw away the cars and the bars and the war
Make sweet love to you

 

48, 47, 45 46, 44 …


Sing it now...

Joy to the world
All the boys and girls now
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me

House could hear the voices of the patients chanting the song. It was a sure-fire was to get Cameron to crack. She’d be putty. She’d be desperate. He continued counting down.

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Cameron entered the office.

“What are you doing to me?” She pleaded.

“I want to know something.” House said simply.

“Why don’t you just ask me?” Cameron asked with a whimper.

“Because you probably, if not definitely, wouldn’t tell me.”

“I might. What’s the question?” She asked.

“About you and Chase...” He began.

“Ok, not telling.” Cameron said. She mimed zipping her lips. House motioned to the microphone and turned the iPod louder. She cringed but shook her head.

He turned it louder. And Louder. And Louder.

You know I love the ladies
Love to have my fun
I'm a high life flyer and a rainbow rider
A straight shootin' son-of-a-gun
I said a straight shootin' son-of-a-gun…

The walls were shaking, so was Cameron.

“Fine.” She moaned. “I’ll tell you.”

“The truth?” House asked turning the music down so he could hear her better. She nodded numbly.

“I don’t…” She began.

“Wrong answer.” House said, turning up the volume. She wailed.

Joy to the world
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me

Joy to the world
All the boys and girls…

 “I hadn’t finished!” She cried and he lowered the volume.

“I don’t know…” She said, repeating what she had said before firmly. “Whether I can do this. I’m not ready and Cuddy’s surely going take the piss out of me.” House raised an eyebrow. Cameron rolled her eyes. “She said if anything goes wrong, I’m the one who has to kiss their job goodbye.” House silently praised Cuddy.

“Got what you wanted?” Cameron asked as the song faded out.

“Not quite.” House said rubbing his chin with his cane. “Does this mean you have feelings for Chase?”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Cameron said facetiously. Her demeanour changed. She put her head in her hands and slumped down on the floor. “Go on.” She said. “Go on, run away, tell everybody. Tell him.”

“Nope.” House said. “You do that.” She looked up at him surprised. “Oh come on. I’ve had my fun.”

“What if I don’t want to? I don’t know what to say.” She sniffed.

“Tell him what you told me.” House said. Cameron smiled up at him. He walked out of the office.

“Oh, and Cameron…” House said, stopping at the door. “Don’t tell him before tomorrow, and you’ll have my clinic duty for two months.”

***

Cameron walked into the locker room to find Chase.

“Hey.” He said. “Nice stunt House pulled today.”

“Yeah.” Cameron smiled. “Look, Chase…” She said slowly walking toward him.

“Mmm…”

“I know it’s not Tuesday, and I know you’re probably growing to hate me… but, I…” She was face to face with him now. He smiled; she didn’t have to finish. He brushed his hand against her cheek. Their lips met.

Cameron smiled. For once, House had done something nice. Something kind. Even though it had been torture…

***

“Tell him?” House asked Cameron the next day.

“Yes.” She sighed.

“So you said the words ‘I like you’?” He asked.

“Yeah… well not exactly… He knows, which is what it though I had to…” Cameron rambled.

“But you didn’t say ‘I like you’…” House asked. She shook her head. “Go be me.” He said passing her the clinic duty roster. “Looks like you two won’t be dating for a while yet…”

 

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